Drammatics
by Darkness-Heart
Summary: Insanity. [Crackfic][Warning: I slash 'em]


Riku was mad.

Riku was more mad then he thought humanly possible. He ground his perfect white teeth together as he picked himself off the ground gracefully. Riku did everything gracefully, even pick his nose. Sora just stood before him in awe, gazing blearily at the spot that Riku used to be.

"I..." he said slowly, as though he didn't quite believe what he was saying "I beat you." The confused look disappeared from his face, instantly replaced with his trademark megawatt smile. "I beat you! I beat you!" Sora ran around in circles laughing, while Kairi just looked at them both, smirking as though she had known what would happen all along. Riku ground his teeth. "That makes the score 1 to 14873847268!" Sora was shouting happily. He ran up to Kairi and crushed her small frame in a hug. Riku cringed at hearing the score said aloud. Sure, he definitely was winning against Sora, by a long shot. But even one loss was unacceptable! He was the perfect Riku, and Riku never lost at anything! Riku was perfect!

Sora somehow didn't notice the complete anguish of his best friend. He was usually _so_ observant. Kairi nudged him. "Sora." she whispered rather loudly "Go tell Riku good game or something! He's looking awfully emo." Sora nodded quickly. Riku, meanwhile, was trying not to burst out crying in the middle of the schoolyard, even though it was after school and most everyone was gone. He needed to maintain his badass image, for God's sake.

"RIIIIIIKU!" Sora bounded up to the silver-haired teen eagerly, who glowered down at him as soon as he approached. "Good game!" Riku twitched.

"ARE YOU JUST SOME ROBOT OF KAIRI'S THAT DOES ANYTHING SHE TELLS YOU TO DO?" Riku screeched angrily. Kairi pulled her iPod out of her pocket and turned it on full blast.  
"Uhhhhhhh..." Sora looked over to Kairi for guidance. Unfortunately, she seemed busy untangling a cord and didn't seem to notice his elaborate gestures. Sora's shoulders slumped, all thought of a clever comeback forgotten. The next best thing, he decided, would be petty insults. "Man, you're bitchy when you lose." he said conversationally. Riku smacked himself in the face (the poor, beautiful face!) and started to stomp emo-ly away. Before he could make his grand exit, however, he was stopped by an irritatingly familiar person who was doubled over with laughter.

"You... hahahhaha... lost... hhahahahahah ahahaha... to...ahahah-"  
"Roxas, get to the point already!" Riku snapped.

"You lost to Sora!" Roxas said triumphantly after a moment of catching his breath.  
"Yeah, so?" Riku said, trying to sound like he didn't care much.

"That's hilarious." Roxas noted cleverly.

"Shut. Up." Riku said between clenched (perfect!) teeth. "And no matter what you do, don't tell Ax-"

Axel suddenly fell out of the tree above them, cackling madly.  
"Too late." Roxas noted cleverly.

Riku, too upset to do anything but kick Axel in the head, began sobbing dramatically and ran towards his motorcycle. He jumped on it, jammed in the keys and drove away, all in the span of three seconds. Axel had stopped laughing and was now clutching his mouth in pain.  
"Roxas...make it better?" he asked hopefully, nudging Roxas' boot with a spike of his hair.  
"Riku has a really girly run." Roxas noted cleverly.

Riku was thinking very very hard on his motorcycle ride home. He thought about how dangerous a past time thinking was, a new stage in his life, and, most importantly, how exactly he managed to get away from Axel and Roxas so fast. Super speed? Hm. A mystery.

His attention shifted back to the new-stage-in-life thing. Sora had beaten him. It seemed impossible, but Riku's lightening quick brain had managed to process it by now. A new stage in life meant that Riku had to change something about himself. Riku was still deep in thought when he arrived at his house, not noticing that he had run over his neighbor's cat, Duchess. As it was, Riku's genius plans were accompanied by the dreadful sounds of a cat in pain.

When Riku stepped through his front door, he headed straight for the bathroom. Failure of this magnitude definitely called for something drastic. A makeover, for instance. Something daring! Different! Riku stared into the mirror at his beautiful shiny hair and manly figure. He was gorgeous, without a doubt, but a change was necessary for entering this new stage of life! He was no longer super-steroid preteen!Riku, now he was teenager!Riku-with-the-pants. His hair was what needed changing. He needed something to match his super badass attitude. But what was the right color? Blue? Black? Riku couldn't decide.

As it were, Riku walked into the school the next day with bright pink hair. Red was no longer his favorite color; it had failed him.

The first person he saw was a fat kid named Pence. When Pence saw Riku, he started laughing uncontrollably. "HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA" he took a breath "HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-"

"STUPID FUCKER!" Riku snarled as he punched Pence in the stomach. Pence rolled onto the ground and said no more.

Riku took off down the halls, eye twitching continually as everyone saw what had become of him. No one was spared his wrath.

"Oh My God." Riku turned to see Axel and Roxas leaning up against some lockers next to each other. Roxas was laughing snarkily and Axel's eyes were dancing with malice. "It looks like a fairy pissed on your head!" Riku's face contorted into a ferocious glare, causing Roxas to laugh harder.

"..." Riku could not think of a particularly clever comeback to this. Desperately, he tried to detract attention from his atrocious hair color choice. "..Why are you two always together anyway?" He asked suspiciously. Roxas shrugged.

"I've been wondering that too..." Axel said thoughtfully, winding an arm around Roxas' waist. Roxas rolled his eyes and smacked the arm away. "Hey look!" Axel yelled suddenly "A heartless!!!"

Riku spun around to look behind him. "Whatsa heartless?" He turned back to where Axel and Roxas used to be, but now there was nothing. Riku ground his teeth. Damn his perfect mind's susceptibility to evil plots and influence! It had been a clever ploy to get away, after all. Riku stood still for about 3 minutes, contemplating the complexities of Axel's scheme before Sora and Kairi interrupted his unbelievably complex thought process.

Kairi gaped wordlessly, glubbing like a fish, while Sora screamed. "RIKU! We have to fix your hair!"

He dragged Riku down the hall with Kairi at their heels. Sora skidded to a stop outside a broom closet. "Bleach will work! It works for everything!" Sora declared, throwing the door open. Roxas and Axel stared back at the trio, blinking like bats, Roxas with his hand up Axel's shirt, Axel with his pants down to his knees. Roxas quickly pulled Axel's pants up and they broke apart all in the span of 3 seconds. The super speed came at all the convenient times. Riku, Kairi and Sora wore identical expressions of horror.  
Kairi was the first to speak. Scream, more accurately. "OH MY GOD I SAW AXEL'S-"   
Roxas interrupted her "Riku's hair is pink!" He noted cleverly . Kairi and Sora turned towards Riku, and instantly started laughing their asses off.

"Is my hair really going to overshadow the fact that TWO OF OUR BEST FRIENDS ARE GAY FOR EACHOTHER?" Riku screeched angrily. Roxas and Axel, meanwhile, had snuck off to a more private closet. Sora suddenly stopped laughing.

"Man, you're bitchy when you lose." He said conversationally.

Riku ground his teeth.

END


End file.
